By: Katelyn Tijerina
What does it feel like to want to live? I seem to have forgotten the reason for existing for myself. I live for other people but who am I? The world seems colorless to my tired eyes. I see not only what is there but what is beyond, but am I so tired. The world I continue to live in is full of blacks, whites, and browns, greys. What point is there to life without a rainbow. Similar to the Rainbowfish I gave my colors away for them to flash red and disappear. I followed in the footsteps of the giving tree, I am now only left with a stump watching the world pass before my unfocused eyes. I cannot give anymore, no one wants my white, colorless scales. No one lines up to take my rough worn bark, but what am I? Who am I when there is nothing left to give? I am nothing but the white crayon, the black paper. I go about my day the same routine, I see life by looking out a window and all I see are blurs. I sleep, I sleep when I’m sad I sleep when I’m angry, I sleep when I’m bored because it is the only way I can escape from this cruel world. I escape to a world of nothing. I miss the warm summer mornings when I’d wake up and just run, I miss being so excited my eyes fluttered instead of slept. The world in which going to school was the best when I relished in the taste of pomegranate and had hope for the future. I would love nothing more than the spark of joy I felt when I won a game, or the magic watching a movie, the colors of the world so bright and new I had to squint my eyes. How everything was so fantastic and wonderful and colorful. I miss wanting to be awake.
Inspiration from: snokes, my dog. Pinterest
Picture from: Limited, Alamy. “Stock Photo – View of the Brightly Lit Tunnel from a Fast-Moving Car; Light Blur Exaggerates the Movement; Black and White.” Alamy, www.alamy.com/view-of-the-brightly-lit-tunnel-from-a-fast-moving-car-light-blur-image153676199.html.
These days will not last
None do
New days are always just ahead
Promising
The light of early morning
Will warm your face
Your vision will surely clear
As yours days pass onward
See, Katelyn You inspire me
The world is a strange place right now, but you can still find the rainbows. Happiness is there for the taking. You are so creative that I know you can find it.
Love the parallel to “The Giving Tree.” It’s interesting that the book employs black and white with a hint of red, much like your post, yet your words bring the hues needed to illustrate your point. Thank you for having the courage to share!
Hey Katelyn!!! 🙂 I really enjoy reading all your blog posts and this one stood out to me the most. I really admire how you can openly write your thoughts down. It is something I have never can be able to do myself. Even through writing ones thoughts down is important I still can never find the courage and patience to do so. I thank you for giving me the opportunity to let me read you blog! I hope you find that you want to be awake again soon and find the positive, but remember it is okay think about the negative now and then too! Again thanks so much, your writing very inspirational!